Three little lambs

What do you think of when you see a title “Three Little Lambs Were Lost One Day“?

You would be forgiven if Little Bo Peep sprang instantly to mind. However if you read the lens you will be told that the lambs are three little boys.

Prepare yourself for a sad story from 1867.

Three little lambs were lost one day

What I’d like to see in this lens

1. Instead of Parenting and Children, to have the topic squarely in History.

2. I’d like to hear the story from Christine. In the introductory module we don’t learn anything about the boys What happened? What adventure? Who are they? What’s this lens about?

I’d like to see the introductory model tell me that three small boys were lost in the bush in 1867, everyone assisted in the search, even trackers were brought in, but the children weren’t found till three months later. The town of Daylesford remembers.

I don’t really need to look at two maps. Why not have a Google Map instead? The photos of the maps don’t make any sense to me, I have no point of reference

There’s a lot of quoted text which my eyes skip over. I’d like to see this written by Christine, her modern English, as well as the lack of italicisation, would be better. Much better.

3. When a Text Module has an image, the textual content to be the same ‘size’ as the image.

4. No little full-stops, periods scattered throughout the text.

From the first sentence

You are not going to believe their ages…from eldest to youngest – aged 6, 5 and 4 years old!

to the last

I Didn’t Know That Australia
….was ever known as The Country of Lost Children
,,,nor this whole story…before just a short time ago.

Not just full-stops here, but commas as well.

Christine is a story teller, I want her stories to shine in a lovely setting.

Comments

  1. Christine says:

    Thank you for such an in-depth critique, Susanna. I value your opinion.
    Much for me to now think about, reconsider, edit.
    I’m thinking I have slipped into a couple of nasty little habits – like inappropriate and over-usage of … (and, she curses, the commas were a typo).
    Never considered a Google map – didn’t even know I could use them! Told you I’m only hanging on to today’s technology by my fingernails. Believe it!
    Sincere thanks for the comments about my storytelling – many past events created an extremely ‘shaky’ self-belief in my writing skills – and I really thought the quoted bits were preferable to my words. (back to the drawing board – or writing pad/computer, in this case!)